"Yes, I had those thoughts."
so says the former Liverpool goalkeeper Chris Kirkland, who was contemplating suicide, when he was most down.
This writes the british media the Daily Mail.
The 38-year-old englishman fought for a number of years with anxiety and depression at the end of his active career as a professional footballer, and eventually it was actually so bad that he had to seek professional help:
"I pulled me back and away from everything. I had no desire to be social or active in any way, and eventually I realised that I had to seek help before it was too late."
"It (the anxiety and depression, eds.) started to affect my game. I couldn't focus more, and I could not wait to get away from the track. It took me only 15 minutes to dress, and then I was away. I could not wait to get home," he says in a great interview, where he also puts into words what it was he felt during the difficult time.
"You are not at all in control. You feel, you live your life in a steel box, where you're trying to break out. But you just can't," explains the English goalkeeper.
Cris Kirkland says that there are now far more good days than bad, and at the moment he is trying to help other football players, who also are struggling with stress, depression and anxiety, as he did himself, to open up about it through the help app Yapa.
But in spite of suicidal thoughts, then he strikes still real, that he never ended up with to go so far. There, he loved his family too much:
"I would never have done it (committed suicide, ed.). I have a wife and a daughter, I love too much."
Chris Kirkland went on to play 25 matches for Liverpool, while at the same time he is listed for a single international game.Date Of Update: 20 December 2019, 08:00