Nina, you have had many years of a serious eating disorder. When she appeared for the first time and how it has developed over the years?

The eating disorder has crept in very slowly. I was about 12, when I had surgery on the knee. A physician assistant has looked at my filled in questionnaire, where my weight was listed, and has said, "You don't look like you weigh that much". At the time, I weighed about 40 kg, unfortunately, I know my size. This sentence was certainly not meant negatively, but as the weight got to me a different role.

the Family was, it is often difficult. My parents are divorced, my mother had/has a drinking problem and her second husband was very aggressive. There were some unpleasant experiences, and so one thing led to another. Exciting, but just no time?

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How this eating disorder has influenced your life?

very different. There were times in which I searches in addition to bulimia with anorexic tendencies in a sport like am. This was mainly in the upper level. I am at 6 am to the gym or swimming pool, so I already had before the start of School is a better feeling. In free hours and after school the Same. Friendships have of course suffered as a result.

I had not much time for other than food, Vomit, sports... and if I had phases in which I almost ate nothing, I was in a bad mood. Or if the scale has not displayed what I would have liked. I think it was for many a difficult and stressful time. With 19 I started a therapy, so it was slowly getting better.

How was the relationship to your family?

With my father and basically I have a very good relationship. However, he is of the opinion that therapists are themselves in need of a therapist, and you can only help yourself. Support was not available. Also, understanding has been lacking. I think it is until today that he thinks "I'd just have to eat normally".

With my mother, I have come to understand myself to the Outside good. Inside of me, I made her but for a lot of accusations. To her I was able to Express them, however, never. She is very depressed and prone to suicidal thoughts. I was always afraid that it would be my fault if you hurt yourself at some point, something. FOCUS Online provides you with the most exciting Reports from the parents. Here you can subscribe to the Newsletter.

Then you became pregnant. A time for you to rethink.

The pregnancy came quite unexpectedly. But I was pleased from the beginning. At the time I was in the middle of the study and test phases back deep into the bulimia. But with the positive Test, I swore to myself that I vomit. Finally, I was suddenly no longer only responsible for myself, but also for a small creature (it is already six and a three-year-old brother has).

I was at the beginning often bad. Sometimes I would have to pass me. But the desire of my Baby was to give all the essential nutrients to get bigger. I was at a nutrition consultation, because I had no feeling for volume and balance. My weight at the time was relatively normal (54 kg/168cm). In the case of bulimia, but that is not unusual. The weight gain was not initially so easy for me. I have banished my scale from home, and me to the checkups weighed. It has clothes and I never knew my exact weight. That was a good thing.

This must all be very difficult.

I simply time and again, for whom am I doing this. If I was on the verge of falling off the wagon, I looked at the ultrasound pictures and knew immediately that it pays to stay strong. I was the entire pregnancy in therapeutic treatment. In the beginning, even twice a week, towards the end of every two weeks. My therapist has given me a lot of support. She was also a Doctor (not a gynecologist), and could explain to me from a medical point of view, why it is so important to see it through.

How you have experienced the physical changes in pregnancy?

Bad as the time in which you saw was, for me, especially that I've put on weight, but still could not recognize that it is a pregnancy belly. But this time I got through. As it was a bullet, I liked my belly very happy. I would have never thought possible.

How did you feel after the birth?

After the birth, I was pretty proud of my little son. With me I was the first few days is also good. After a visit to my mother (and the sentence: "So I have two weeks after the pregnancy has not more so-in the belly had changed"), the. The good feeling was no longer present. Breastfeeding didn't work for me, unfortunately not (I was 17 with a breast reduction, and to many milk ducts have been severed), what has thrown me is also very back. I had the feeling to totally fail. All are not able to feed your Baby, only I/my body can do it.

But thanks to a wonderful midwife, I have managed to accept the Situation, and also a little bit accept. Although the body feeling was not quite as good, I was able to befriend myself with the time again with him. In retrospect, I can't say exactly how I got it. Has strengthened me. in any case, my husband (who is always behind me), and of course my dwarf, I conjured up a smile on your face More on the topic of education

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But then you had a relapse.

As I was pregnant again, I noticed the physical changes much easier. Even after the birth, I had a better sense of my body. As my Little five weeks old, I had an epileptic seizure and was diagnosed with epilepsy. I was no longer allowed to drive a car and bike, and improved my professional goals (I have teacher for studying, and the edition had to be five years seizure-free before I'm allowed to work with children) and it has changed everything suddenly. The planned internship I had to cancel.

The Whole thing has driven me, unfortunately, back into the eating disorder. I had the feeling of no control anymore. I was suddenly dependent on others to help me (if I had to e.g. to the doctor, etc.), had to look for a career Alternative and to do very much walking. Because of this, my pregnancy disappeared kilos quickly. But gradually, more and more additional. About eating or Not-eating, I was able to get me in the lack of control. I'm gone for two months in the hospital, I was in the past more often. There, I also had a therapist from the past that knew me and knew exactly how she can help me. For this I am very grateful to her.

How are you today?

Today, it's very good to me. I started in 2017, a training, now I'm in the middle of final exams. My new job makes me very much fun and I have always loved teaching. Food will never be as loose as it is for healthy people, but I get along well. I enjoy the life my three men (even if it is sometimes exhausting) and think that I'm on a good path.

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