J. Peirano: The Secret Code of Love: Every woman loses interest in me after five minutes

Hello,</p>maybe you can give me some advice.

J. Peirano: The Secret Code of Love: Every woman loses interest in me after five minutes


maybe you can give me some advice. I am 39 male and am always sorted out on dates after 5 minutes or I am told that the woman has no feelings or other small things.

I've wanted a family of my own for a long time, but it never works and I lose my self-confidence. Have a good job and do a lot of interesting things, but they don't seem to help. I'm always badly disappointed and still keep going.

Do you always have to be perfect to even have a chance with women? I do not get it

Tony T.

Dear Tony T,

There were a few things that struck me about your letter - after all, also interpersonal communication.

In short: I would recommend that you give your partner search a lot of thought and start from scratch.

I work as a behavioral therapist and love coach in private practice in Hamburg-Blankenese and St. Pauli. In my PhD, I researched the relationship between relationship personality and happiness in love, and then wrote two books about love.

Information about my therapeutic work can be found at www.julia-peirano.info.

Do you have questions, problems or lovesickness? Please write to me (maximum one A4 page). I would like to point out that inquiries and answers can be published anonymously on stern.de.

Many people are unaware of what kind of partner would suit them. I once had a disabled patient who thought he would never find a woman. I worked out with him that there are many women who would appreciate his caring and dependability, but that he should look for women who are more domestic and who do not play sports (together).

Another patient, very profound, was constantly attracted to significantly younger, very attractive and complicated women who did not return his feelings because they did not like the look of him. We worked out that he could find a partner of the same age who had also experienced a lot of injuries (and could understand him better) and had already had therapy experiences and who attaches little importance to status symbols but appreciates profound conversation. This patient has been happily in a relationship with such a woman for years.

Do you know what type of woman would suit you? What kind of personality would this woman have, what would she appreciate in you?

Do you have contact with women who could advise you in this regard? Do you have a sister, one or more good friends, a clever aunt or a loving mother? From my point of view, you are missing concrete feedback that also gives you clues to reconsider or change something.

What role do women play in your current life? What do you talk about, what do you do together, what do you give each other? How do you approach women, how do you address a woman?

What do you expect from a relationship? Is there a couple in your circle who live roughly the way you imagine them? This can also be a couple from a series or a film. If you don't know a pair, do some searching - it's an important step in finding what you want.

Dating is something that most people give a lot of thought to. Who am I, who suits me, how do I present myself, what are my strengths and weaknesses?

Especially if the partner search does not work out on its own, it is very worthwhile to think about this. Most companies and restaurants do the same when they think about how they approach customers, how they design their interior, what unique selling point they have and so on.

If you need help, find a coach who specializes in partnership.

As an introduction to the topic, I recommend the book I and Sandra Konrad wrote: "The secret code of love: Discover your relationship self and find the right partner".

There is also a detailed self-test in the book.

I hope I was able to give you some ideas!

All the best with your further search,

Julia Peirano

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