Oh, you conflicted ones: What we bicker about at Christmas - and how we can make it better

Christmas - the festival of love is celebrated in the comfortable, secure environment of the family.

Oh, you conflicted ones: What we bicker about at Christmas - and how we can make it better

Christmas - the festival of love is celebrated in the comfortable, secure environment of the family. At least that is the story that we encounter in films, in advertising or in conversations with friends. For one or the other who celebrates Christmas, things may be merry and contemplative. But in many families, the exact opposite happens on the holidays: conflicts at the dining table, disappointments about the earrings that have been given, or there is a crisis in the partnership.

In many houses and apartments, families come together as an explosive mixture. In a survey by the opinion research institute YouGov, a quarter of those questioned stated that they always or at least occasionally argue about Christmas. A little over 2000 people were interviewed for the survey.

There are different reasons why families or couples fight each other on the holidays. A third argues about the process and the organization of the festival. For a quarter, relationship problems cause conflict and 19 percent of those surveyed bicker over the division of tasks. Most arguments are with one's own parents (35 percent) or better half (36 percent).

Most of them just want a harmonious party. The Ramones used to sing "Merry Christmas, I don't want to fight tonight." But often this remains just a pious wish.

Why it always crashes on Christmas Eve of all places starts with the expectations. Due to the dominant narrative of a contemplative Christmas, we long for a beautiful, contemplative celebration. The tree should be particularly beautiful, the apartment should appear in fine splendor and everyone should be happy about their gift.

If we're honest, things tend to go wrong, especially when there is so much pressure: the roast is a bit burnt, grandma doesn't like the wool socks she knit, or a fundamental debate about the climate crisis suddenly breaks out at the table. In addition to the idea of ​​perfection, unresolved conflicts quickly come to the table.

Of course, fighting is not bad per se and it can also be important for our relationships. However, we can gear up for the holidays and make sure that not every argument escalates completely immediately. This can make the celebration less stressful for everyone involved. What is helpful:

Sources: YouGov, DAK, Psych Central

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