First times

This nuclear burn of the first times.

First times

This nuclear burn of the first times. The first time you fall in love like this, that you feel this, that you find yourself in this situation. The first time of this joy. The first time you get fired, they humiliate you, you have to see yourself the way you see yourself now. The first time you ask for money, for example, the first time you get killed and you're still alive. In the same way that only what is forgotten is remembered, the new first time sweeps away all previous times. It's not entirely true, but it's not a lie either.

The last body destroys the previous ones, grinds all the other bones of the other bodies into particles, dust, diamonds, fireflies. The last kisses are the first of the million kisses that will come later. You never hated anyone like that. You never missed so much. You never wanted that daughter so much, we will never forget this first time. They never hugged us like this. We don't remember anyone other than this first time. To look back is to become salt. Only forward are the next first times. Worse, same, better. The first of the first. What happened is not here and the present is gone, it's gone, it's gone. We only have the first thousand times left that we have not yet released.

The first trauma, the first fear, the first I don't dare. The first time you wished someone dead. The first time it happened. That abyss. The first time you said that you wouldn't do it and you did. The first time you betrayed a friend, your partner, the child you were. And then, find another new first time to clean your hands, start over. Like it was the first time. The first time you were generous. That you were happy and scared.

That first time made of all the previous first times that are erased by the now, this, here. Only if you forget can you remember. Like it was the first time.